The universal dating rule everyone needs to follow
How they treat you at the start is the best they’ll ever treat you.
Despite being married for 40 years, my mum generally stays out of my dating life. And honestly? Fair enough—historically, it’s been an absolute sh*tshow. But there’s one piece of advice she loves to dish out, and it’s never failed me.
Her rule? How they treat you in the beginning is the best they will ever treat you.
The getting-to-know-you stage is the most effort they’ll ever put in. They're the most attentive, charming, thoughtful, and considerate they’ll ever be. You’re seeing them on their absolute best behaviour. So if their “best” isn’t hitting the mark in those early days? Next.
The honeymoon illusion
The beginning of any relationship is a whirlwind: butterflies, late-night texts, flirty makeout sessions, and goodnight calls. It’s easy to get swept up in the romance and overlook small signs that they might not be capable of meeting your needs long-term.
But here’s the kicker: If someone can’t be consistent when they’re trying to impress you, what happens when they’re not trying anymore? If texting back, showing interest, or planning thoughtful dates isn’t happening now, it’s not magically going to happen when they feel like they’ve won you over.
Why this rule matters
A lot of us fall into the trap of thinking we can fix or train someone to treat us better once things get serious. Maybe you think, “He’s great, he just needs to work on communicating more, but I can help with that,” or, “He’s amazing—he just needs a little push to prioritise me more.”
You can’t teach someone how to treat you better. You’re not a rehabilitation centre for bad boyfriends. If they’re not making the effort now, they never will. Sometimes, it’s better to walk away when someone’s “best” doesn’t align with what you want in a partner.
And let me tell you, whenever I ignored this rule and put time and effort into someone I hoped would eventually step up? I ended up miserable in a relationship I was embarrassed to tell my friends about.
Why it’s hard to walk away
The idea of someone’s “potential” is intoxicating. You see glimpses of who they could be, and you want to stick around to see it through. But potential is a gamble. You’re betting your time, energy, and emotional well-being on an idea of someone—not the actual person.
People show you who they are early on. Believe them.
This isn’t about being picky or expecting perfection—nobody is perfect. It’s about recognising when someone’s “best” doesn’t meet the standard you’ve set for yourself. If acts of service are your love language and they won’t even pick you up from the airport, chances are this isn’t the match for you.
Of course, there are exceptions. Maybe there’s a valid reason why you’re not being treated like a queen right now. When in doubt, try the “three strikes and you’re out” rule—it’s a great way to balance patience with your own self-respect.
You’re not here to train someone to love you. You’re here to find someone who already knows how.
Soph x