The easiest way to tell if he’s wasting your time
This will tell you everything.
Last week, I told you I’d reveal the real lesson from my last so unhinged. So here we go.
As most of you know, I’ve turned years of personal experience and professional insight into a dual career in dating and relationships. And in helping people navigate the unhinged world of modern dating, I’ve noticed a pattern.
Nine times out of ten, the women I speak to are the same: late twenties to mid-thirties, successful, funny, down-to-earth, kind, gorgeous, and genuinely ready for a serious relationship. And I don’t say this lightly—if you met any of these women, you’d be shocked to know they struggle with dating.
And yet, so many fall into the same trap:
They meet someone who says he’s looking for a relationship.
They prioritise him (because who has time to date multiple people anyway?).
They take him at his word, assuming he’s doing the same.
They’re upfront about what they want, communicate honestly, and avoid playing games.
They’re good people who treat others with respect. So where do they go wrong?
They expect the person they’re dating to do the same.
Buckle up, because this is where it gets heated.
Talk is cheap
The problem I see constantly is that because these women are good, honest people looking for something real, they assume the man they’re dating—who is saying all the right things—actually means what he says.
It’s a tale as old as time. He tells her he’s serious. He says he’s exclusively seeing her. He brings up meeting his friends. He even mentions a long weekend trip with his family. She believes him, stops seeing other people, and starts adjusting her life around this new relationship.
And then, just as quickly as he made those promises… he disappears.
Why? Because so often, when we date, we’re focusing on the wrong thing. We’re listening when we should be watching.
Actions over everything
Remember this part of my story about my fiancé and me?
For the first time, I didn’t give him an open door. The only way back into my life was through action. And a few weeks later, I received something unexpected—a love letter.
Not just any love letter. A this-is-exactly-what-I-want, I’m-ready-for-forever, I-want-a-50-year-conversation-with-you type of love letter.
But talk is cheap.
So when we FaceTimed, I said: “If you’re ever in Australia, I’d be happy to meet for coffee.”
His response? “If we’re together, I’ll move to Australia immediately.”
And that’s exactly what he did.
That’s why I say: stop taking men at their word. When you’re still vetting a potential partner, what he says means nothing. His actions will tell you everything you need to know.
When words actually start to matter
Of course, once you’re officially in a relationship (not just “exclusive,” I mean in a committed relationship), words do carry weight—because by then, you’ve already set the tone. You’ve shown him that he can’t just talk his way into your life; he has to prove it.
Dating gets easier when you stop listening
The moment you start prioritising men who show you how they feel—rather than just say the right things—dating becomes so much easier. I’ve been there too, and once I made this shift, everything changed.
THIS is also the foundation of The Charts. It exists for a reason.
If you need a refresher, I wrote about it for Mamamia here.
So, if you can relate to this and you’re still not using The Charts, I want you to start now. Trust me, once you see who is actually following through and who’s just full of sh*t, your expectations will shift immediately.
Soph x